I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
