The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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