defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
