Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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