BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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