Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
