Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
