as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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