Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
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The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
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I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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