i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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