Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
