I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
