so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
