Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
