she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
