i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
