You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
