trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
