nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
