Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
