why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
