I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
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Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
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She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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