No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
