I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
