Don't you send me to vm
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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