They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
