Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
