I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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