There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
