IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
