two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
