we made out on top of his cat.
Ketchup is God's man juice
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
