careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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