The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
and you fell through a lawn chair
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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