He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
