i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
