i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
