hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
