I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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