ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
