Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
