**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
