addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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