I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
