So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
