I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
