he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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