I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
