I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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