she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
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I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
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Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize