So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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