he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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