I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I lost the right to judge tonight
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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