i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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