Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
