Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
