I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
