He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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