Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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