His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
