this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
