I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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