I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
