He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
