Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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