I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
