Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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