so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
