Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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