feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
